Marriage

I grew up in a "Leave It To Beaver" type family. My father worked at a church, in a small town, which meant we were required to be 'practically perfect in every way'. Although my parents did have problems, like every marriage, I have good memories and a positive outlook on marriage. Growing up I saw the way my dad looked at my mom - with every passing glance you could tell he was so in love with everything about her. I have always wanted someone to love me the way my dad loves my mom.


When I was younger I considered love to be a fairytale. I anticipated the day Prince Charming would sweep me off my feet and our lives would be happy ever after. Then I went through the rebellious stage where love didn't matter anymore. During seminary I took class after class on marriage and families and I became excited again about what marriage is all about.
Marriage was created by God for a purpose. Genesis 2:18-25 is the first ever marriage announcement. The role of the husband and wife are clearly laid out in Scripture and there is one very important aspect of marriage that I really get in to. The Bible tells us that a husband is to love his wife the way Christ loves the church. This means that marriages should clearly be an example to the world around us of God's relationship with us. Is that happening? Do most Christian marriages represent Christ's love for the church? Do they demonstrate love? forgiveness? grace? patience? Do people look at Christian marriages and wonder what is different?


Through the years I have learned that marriage is hard. Even the best marriage under the best circumstances is hard. It is a choice to get up everyday and say "I love this person and I am committed to them for the rest of my life - no matter what happens". Somedays that will be easy and somedays it will be very difficult. How do we make it through those difficult days, weeks, months, even years sometimes?


1. Pray - be in constant prayer about your relationship with your spouse. Do not ever be complacent about your marriage. Know that Satan is a pro at attacking marriages - don't think you are in the clear.
2. Know what the Bible says - read through Scripture. Learn what God says about marriage, the role of the husband and the role of the wife. Think through those things. Make a conscious effort to live those out in your daily life. It is hard to be a Godly wife if you don't know what God says about being a wife.
3. The church HAS to begin to change our attitude about relationships with one another. We can't be fake anymore. People need to begin developing relationship with other Christian couples where they can be honest. There will be areas of struggle and we need people there to hold us accountable - without judgement. Leaders in the church will have to begin to set an example in that area. It is good to have a good relationship with an older Christian couple to be role models for you and relationships with people who are in your same life stage.
4. Learn about your spouse. Learn about who they are and how they are wired. Women need to learn about the innate characteristics of men and men need to learn about the innate characteristics of women. Learn about your spouses' personality. What is the best way to communicate with that personality? How do they respond to conflict? What makes them tick?
5. Communicate with one another! Don't shut down!
6. Love the other person and love them well. Learn how they most feel loved and show/tell them everyday that you love them.


What does this mean for me at my stage in life? I am not married - why should I care about marriage and how to have a good marriage? Well...I could just say it is part of my job - but - it is so much more than that. If I want to be married someday I have to be ready for that. If I say "I want to be in a Godly marriage" I have to be a Godly woman. I am not going to find a guy with common intrests that I dig and we all of a sudden embark in a Godly marriage. I must be preparing myself for that. I must be striving everyday to be a Godly woman - to live a life that is pleasing in the eyes of God. I must embrace the love he has for me before I can fully embrace the love of someone here and now.


I love to read the story of Hosea and Gomer's relationship. I find that I am a lot like Gomer. I run the other way and fail over and over again. I find that I don't embrace the most glorious love that I could ever ask for. I read how Hosea remained faithful to her - he never stopped loving her - his love was truly unconditional. I am thankful that God is like that with us. That we see in this story how God remained faithful to Israel - how he continued to love his people unconditionally. I am thankful that God loves us, as his church, like that today. I am thankful that even though I act like Gomer - God still loves me and still draws near to me.

Teaching Kids to Sparkle

I recently saw the movie "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium". In the movie Natalie Portman's character, Molly, asks the question: "Do you think I sparkle?". She defines sparkle as "a reflection of something greater than yourself". In the movie the something greater that Molly is referring to is a faith in the magic of the toys, but as I watched that movie I thought to myself "wow" that is what it is all about. To sparkle – a reflection of something greater than yourself - we want to teach the children to sparkle.


At the end of the movie Molly sparkles and it was evident that it didn't just happen by coincidence. Mr. Magorium knew that he was getting ready to more or less die and he was going to leave the store to Molly. There are two main things that he did to make sure she was ready to sparkle


1) He had invested in her life since she was a small child. He had taught her to have faith in the magic of the toys. This didn't happen overnight – he had spent years teaching her all about the ins and outs of the magical toy store.
2) Mr. Magorium repeatedly told Molly that he believed in her and knew she could run the toy store.


In the Bible we have several accounts of the lives of men and women that are a reflection of something greater than themselves. For instance: the life of Moses.
Moses was created for a purpose – God had a big plan for his life. As we read about Moses' life one thing that sticks out at me is how God made it possible for Moses' mother to invest in his life as a small child. There were so many people that could have been Moses' nurse, but God wanted it to be his own family there to teach him about his family, his heritage and his God. Moses grew up with a solid foundation and lived a life that sparkled – he was truly a reflection of something greater than himself.


I believe with all my heart that each child was created by God with a purpose. His desire is to see each one of them to have faith in him – to sparkle!
My prayer is that parents will have a passion in their hearts to teach their children spiritual truths. That they will train their children up to have a faith in God and that their everyday lives will be a reflection of Him.

I know that families are very busy and they go in a million different directions, but I pray that they make the spiritual training of their children a daily priority.

Families

I was in my second year of college when I felt certain that God was calling me into Children's Ministry. I was excited about the road ahead of me and with my overzealous personality I began to go full speed ahead learning everything I could about children. I worked with children in every aspect possible. I began researching what an effective Children's Ministry looked like and filling my brain with everything I could to learn how to most effectively impact the lives of children.


During seminary I had the opportunity to work part-time at a church and as a nanny. Although this was not my ideal situation, God was definitely teaching me through both experiences. My attitude was the same at both jobs; I would devote my life to teaching the children about God. I incorporated secular learning theories, learned about child development, and was ready to teach those precious babies all I could. My ministry was going great and I could see how God was using me to work in lives. I was so grateful for my education and my job experiences. I was on cloud nine and feeling very successful in what I was doing.


It was in my second year at seminary when I was challenged to write my ministry vision, consider why God had given me that vision, and how I would most effectively fulfill that vision. I thought through my vision for Children's Ministry. I wrote down all the things I wanted them to learn and what I hoped their relationship with Christ would look like. I wrote about having a safe and inviting learning environment. After I had concocted this glorious vision for an outstanding Children's Ministry I began to ponder the most effective way to accomplish that vision.


I considered my life and what had impacted me as a child. There is no child in America that stepped through the doors of a church more than I did as a child; my Dad is a Worship Pastor. Even though I had positive memories about my childhood in the church and could remember things I learned in Sunday School, Pioneer Club, Children's Church, etc. everything kept going back to things I learned at home and how my parents had impacted my life. It was at that moment when I felt a change in myself. My vision for ministry didn't change, but the methods would have to look different. As the years have gone by I still feel God clearly telling me the most effective way to minister to children is to impact the lives of their parents. My presence and the presence of the volunteers will come and go in the lives of most of the children, but their parents will remain.


My thinking had been revolutionized and my everyday outlook in the lives of families I came in contact with was very different. My heart was ready to learn new things about ministry. Things that would be of much greater value that how to evaluate curriculum. I clearly see how the Holy Spirit started to reveal to me teh struggles of parenting and the everyday life of having chidlren in tow and constantly vying for your attention.


I had the opportunity to work as a nanny for one more year and that year was life changing for me. My outlook fo rmy job was different. My focus changed from teaching the girls to sharing what I knew about how to teach the girls with the parents. This has impacted the lives of the girls far more than if I had spent another year strictly focused on caring for them. I learned that yes, my passion lies in the heart of every child, but the heart of every child lies in the hands of its parents. The biggest way to impact the children would be to impact their parents.


Doing family ministry on an individual basis was an easy transition to make, but being a part of family ministry within a church context is a much bigger task. Both Biblically and culturally you can see an apparent need for family ministry. My prayer is that we don't get overwhelmed with the complexity of it all and lose sight of the benefits of ministering to the families.

What Does The Bible Teach About Families?

Written in Deuteronomy are the commandments given to Moses by God for the nation of Israel. Moses declared: "Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts, Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates." Deuteronomy 6:4-9. The people of Israel were instructed to learn the commandments given them and be diligent in teaching them to their children. They were not asked to take their kids to the synagogue to learn about God's commandments. This was a directive give to the parents to be influencers in the spiritual lives of their children. They were also told to make it part of the everyday lives. This was not to be a passing conversation they would have with their children, but a part of their lifestyle. Every part of their lives should be inundated with God's commandments. "The tendency in Canaan would be to take all of God's provisions there for granted and thus to forget that He is the Source of all blessing (6:10-12)"(Nelson's p. 140). They were challenged to put their trust in the God of Israel and promised blessings. With the new covenant we are promised those same blessings through the grace of Jesus Christ and I propose that in the same way we are called to teach our children about God. I propose that God still desires today for parents to love the Lord with all their heart and teach that to their children.



We see examples of several families throughout Scripture. We see how the parents have impacted to lives of children. The life of Moses is a great example of how God works through parents. Moses was born in a day when the likelihood of his survival was not positive, but God made provisions for him to become a mighty leader and example of the redeemer. There were countless women available to be Moses' nurse after he was rescued by the Princess, but God made sure it was his mother who was able to care for him as a small child. Moses' mother was there and taught him about his family, his heritage, and his God. The impact his mother made on him in the first years of his life impacted his entire life. Moses did not take on the Egyptian lifestyle, rather he clung to the promises God had made for him and his people.



Another very popular Biblical example is the life of Timothy. Paul talks about how Timothy's mother and grandmother taught him about God and impacted his life greatly. There are other examples throughout Scripture of how parents impacted their children and how families impacted one another. Scripture clearly teaches that parents are called to be the Spiritual leaders of their homes.



A theme throughout the Bible is a parallel of Christ as the father and Israel, or the church, as his child. If we take that as the ultimate example of parenting we see teaching, discipline, love, forgiveness, security, restoration. The relationship between parents and their children will not be like the relationship between Christ and us, because you are dealing with a relationship of two fallen people opposed to a Holy God in relationship with a fallen person. However, the example of his relationship with us should be our ultimate model for the parent/child relationship.