Marriage

I grew up in a "Leave It To Beaver" type family. My father worked at a church, in a small town, which meant we were required to be 'practically perfect in every way'. Although my parents did have problems, like every marriage, I have good memories and a positive outlook on marriage. Growing up I saw the way my dad looked at my mom - with every passing glance you could tell he was so in love with everything about her. I have always wanted someone to love me the way my dad loves my mom.


When I was younger I considered love to be a fairytale. I anticipated the day Prince Charming would sweep me off my feet and our lives would be happy ever after. Then I went through the rebellious stage where love didn't matter anymore. During seminary I took class after class on marriage and families and I became excited again about what marriage is all about.
Marriage was created by God for a purpose. Genesis 2:18-25 is the first ever marriage announcement. The role of the husband and wife are clearly laid out in Scripture and there is one very important aspect of marriage that I really get in to. The Bible tells us that a husband is to love his wife the way Christ loves the church. This means that marriages should clearly be an example to the world around us of God's relationship with us. Is that happening? Do most Christian marriages represent Christ's love for the church? Do they demonstrate love? forgiveness? grace? patience? Do people look at Christian marriages and wonder what is different?


Through the years I have learned that marriage is hard. Even the best marriage under the best circumstances is hard. It is a choice to get up everyday and say "I love this person and I am committed to them for the rest of my life - no matter what happens". Somedays that will be easy and somedays it will be very difficult. How do we make it through those difficult days, weeks, months, even years sometimes?


1. Pray - be in constant prayer about your relationship with your spouse. Do not ever be complacent about your marriage. Know that Satan is a pro at attacking marriages - don't think you are in the clear.
2. Know what the Bible says - read through Scripture. Learn what God says about marriage, the role of the husband and the role of the wife. Think through those things. Make a conscious effort to live those out in your daily life. It is hard to be a Godly wife if you don't know what God says about being a wife.
3. The church HAS to begin to change our attitude about relationships with one another. We can't be fake anymore. People need to begin developing relationship with other Christian couples where they can be honest. There will be areas of struggle and we need people there to hold us accountable - without judgement. Leaders in the church will have to begin to set an example in that area. It is good to have a good relationship with an older Christian couple to be role models for you and relationships with people who are in your same life stage.
4. Learn about your spouse. Learn about who they are and how they are wired. Women need to learn about the innate characteristics of men and men need to learn about the innate characteristics of women. Learn about your spouses' personality. What is the best way to communicate with that personality? How do they respond to conflict? What makes them tick?
5. Communicate with one another! Don't shut down!
6. Love the other person and love them well. Learn how they most feel loved and show/tell them everyday that you love them.


What does this mean for me at my stage in life? I am not married - why should I care about marriage and how to have a good marriage? Well...I could just say it is part of my job - but - it is so much more than that. If I want to be married someday I have to be ready for that. If I say "I want to be in a Godly marriage" I have to be a Godly woman. I am not going to find a guy with common intrests that I dig and we all of a sudden embark in a Godly marriage. I must be preparing myself for that. I must be striving everyday to be a Godly woman - to live a life that is pleasing in the eyes of God. I must embrace the love he has for me before I can fully embrace the love of someone here and now.


I love to read the story of Hosea and Gomer's relationship. I find that I am a lot like Gomer. I run the other way and fail over and over again. I find that I don't embrace the most glorious love that I could ever ask for. I read how Hosea remained faithful to her - he never stopped loving her - his love was truly unconditional. I am thankful that God is like that with us. That we see in this story how God remained faithful to Israel - how he continued to love his people unconditionally. I am thankful that God loves us, as his church, like that today. I am thankful that even though I act like Gomer - God still loves me and still draws near to me.